i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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