he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
