Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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