my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
