I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
