I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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