My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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