All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
