There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We smell like vodka and hangover
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