remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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