I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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