Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
