I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
