I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize