I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
