I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
