So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
