I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
