theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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