she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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