its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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