he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize