bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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