this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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