is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
