There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
