Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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