you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
