My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
