Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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