In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
