everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
