first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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