note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
