I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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