Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
