Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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