I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
