Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

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(541): View more from Oregon

She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

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(613): View more from Ontario

Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party

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(916): View more from California

Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?

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(307): View more from Wyoming

he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.

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(510): View more from California

He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.

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