so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
