singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
