Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Less talking, more tequila
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
