it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
