Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
