If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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