I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
