you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
