He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
