She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
