the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
