Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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