when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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