Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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