I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
