Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
