The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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