question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
