i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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