Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
