I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
