Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
