You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
