Can i not drive my cunt home
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
