he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
