how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
