you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize