awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They took my balls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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