Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
