yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
