Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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