I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
