Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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