Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
