with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
