why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
