I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
