According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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