Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
