Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize