i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
