She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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