How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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