I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
