M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He did a backflip because drugs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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