I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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