sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
