he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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