I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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