well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
