The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
