So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
