Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
