The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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