I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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