So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
