my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
