Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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