Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
