im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
